Where did 2019 go? I cannot believe Thanksgiving is days away. I hope all the singles out there have found someone impressive on Hinge, to bring to their thanksgiving feast. Don’t worry, they probably wont be there next year, according to my experience… but at least you can avoid the lingering family judgement on why you are still single.
The holidays are such a fun time, because it brings the family together, well forces the family to get together. It is also the best excuse to drink, and holiday drinks are delicious. Apple Cider Sangria anyone? The holidays can be stressful, because if you are anything like me, then you have to make an appearance at multiple households. As I’ve gotten older, I have come to the realization, that pleasing everyone is impossible, therefore, we should all just stop stressing about making the holidays perfect.
This year I have decided to host Thanksgiving on my mothers side. So that they are on my terms, and I control the narrative. That is not to say I will be miserable doing all the work in the kitchen, but I will be the head chef of all my minions. I rudely took over Thanksgiving this year, because most of my mothers family does not cook. I honestly do not know, how they survived all these years before I took up cooking as a hobby.
Last year, they ordered Thanksgiving dinner from Save Mart, all of the food was grey and no one ate it. There wasn’t even enough alcohol in the house, to save us. This year my mother said she was making Italian food… I do not know what holiday she thinks this is, but we can eat spaghetti any day of the week. I had to tell her NO, we are not boiling water for Thanksgiving. I had no choice but to take over, so that no one was forced to starve or die from food poisoning.
I started off this years Thanksgiving preparation, by making a punch bowl invitation. I invited everyone and their friends, and I sent out a google doc with the menu, as well as a sign up sheet for deserts and drinks. Now here’s the thing…I do not plan on being overwhelmed making turkeys and what not all day, so here is how you kick Thanksgiving off for maximum family bonding time.
Step 1: Send out invitations
Step 2: Make a menu
Step 3: Make a grocery list, and go grocery shopping in advance for all the items you need.
Step 4: Buy wine, lots of wine, beer, and other alcoholic beverages
Step 5: get everyone matching aprons so you can be cute
Step 6: Organize the shit out of Thanksgiving-prep the night before
Step 7: Drink wine while cooking
Step 8: Have fun games handy for everyone to play(white elephant, pictionary, what do you meme, cards against humanity)
Step 9: Print out a quiz for everyone, that tests their Turkey Day knowledge and provide a prize.
Step 10: Ask everyone to bring a white elephant gift
Step 11: Don’t forget your Thanksgiving playlist. Music makes life better.
Okay. When I say organize the shit out of Thanksgiving I mean make a menu, print out the recipes, and set up stations in your kitchen and delegate the tasks to different people. See I delegate my tasks based on age, and competence. I have my sister in law making pies, I have my brother making the side dishes, I have my younger sister setting timers, I have my other brother doing prep work. And I am the finishing touches on all the items/ head chef. I also make the big dishes, like the turkey, ham, and roast.
This may sound anal, which it is, but I am making the kitchen my bitch this year. It will be a learning experience for everyone, and they will all feel a sense of accomplishment. Only after hours of me telling them that they are doing everything wrong. It will be great! But no one will be slaving in the kitchen by themselves this year to put out a feast for the ungrateful masses. We will be playing games, drinking, singing, all while attempting to not chop our fingers off together.
And that my friends is how you take on Thanksgiving for maximum bonding time, and minimal stress. Delegate and do not procrastinate! Enjoy and Relax. Maybe have a first aid kit ready, it’s always good to be prepared.
Enjoy Your Thanksgiving!